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“Why Are You Still Single?” Take the Test

images (1)“Why are you still single?” I know some people consider this question to be annoying. I, however, am flattered when people ask it. If you’re tired of hearing this question, you should take comfort in the idea that people find you normal enough, attractive enough and well-balanced enough to wonder why someone hasn’t snatched you up. In short, someone has looked you over and can’t find anything wrong with you, so who can get upset by that? I, on the other hand, only get asked this question every once in a while, which I assume means my flaws are much more surface level. That said, each time someone asks me this, I come as close to blushing as my dark skin will allow. And while the answer I normally give is a quick laugh followed by, “Just lucky, I guess,” this occasional question often causes some sincere private reflection on my part.

Having put some thought into this, I’ve come up with a little test a person can take that will help them determine just what type of single they are and what might be the underlying cause of it. For each question, give yourself either a 3 for agree, 2 for not sure and a 1 for disagree.

  1. You find online dating tedious and tiresome. While it might not be too hard to get a Tinder match or OKCupid like, the idea of engaging in the endless back and forth that so often accompanies arranging the first meet up leaves you deciding not to send that first message.
  1. You would rather be single than be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship, and this has likely resulted in you being single more often than not.
  1. Travel has been a big part of your life and you hope it will continue to be so, even if it means you don’t come off as stable and established as other people your age.
  1. A quiet night at home on a Friday still isn’t your idea of an evening well-spent.
  1. Similarly, getting up early on the weekend to do things like go to a farmers’ market or go for an early morning jog aren’t really appealing to you.
  1. You’re pretty sure your prolonged singleness has made you better at being single than being in a couple, and you’re scared it will take a lot of practice, and patients on your partner’s part, to get you back into the habit of considering someone else when making every little decision.
  1. You used to find it hard to follow that rule about not texting someone you’re interested in within 24 hours, but now you have no problem waiting 72 hours and often wait even longer than that. In fact, sometimes you wait so long, you can’t text them at all. Oops.
  1. Once you go out with someone on more than two or three dates, you freak out a little (or maybe a lot) about feeling trapped or tied down.
  1. You sometimes feel you’re not as mature as people your own age. Sure, you have a job and pay your bills on time, but you still feel like you’re not adulating as well as other people and that this might be a turn off.
  1. While not as superficial as you were in high school – you could likely date someone who doesn’t agree with you that the Fugees is the best hip-hop group ever – a case could be made that you are more picky than ever and your list of red flags and deal breaks keeps growing longer.

The Results:

If you scored between 10-17 pts, you’re single but you’re clearly ready for something more and have the right mindset for being in a serious relationship. Now all you have to do is find the right person. Emphasis on the RIGHT person. Don’t fall into the trap of liking the idea of being in a relationship more than you like the person you’re seeing.

If you scored between 18-24 pts, you’re a little more on the fence about relationships. Some aspects of the single life clearly appeal to you, but you could likely be brought over the couple side of things with a bit of encouragement from the right person. Just stay patient and wait for them to come along.

downloadIf you scored 25-30pts, you’re a big time single and you like it that way, but as the old saying goes, “the bigger they are the harder they fall.” Many people have gone from extremely single to extremely not single ridiculously quick. All it takes is for the right person to come along to make you want to change your ways.

Sidebar: If you read the all three points categories, you likely noticed there was a pattern: meeting the right person. Whether you’re single as a position of principle or single in spite of all your efforts, I can’t help but to come to the same conclusion: it probably has more to do with the people you’re meeting than anything else. And I, for one, say, bravo. I’ve seen way too many people who got married because it was part of a life plan. It didn’t matter who they married, they just wanted to get married and virtually any person would do. If you’re single and you don’t want to be, you could do the same, but something about you is still holding out for that head over heels kind of feeling that only comes when you meet the right person. So, good for you!

Brian M. Williams
Brian is the author of the recently published travel memoir "Stranger in a Stranger Land: My Six Years in Korea." (Click this profile for more information.) He's also a law school grad with Southern charm and Virginia roots. He recently returned to America after nearly seven years traveling and working abroad. He loves dive bars, international travel and foreign accents. He's particularly good at small talk and was the first person to notice there's no "I" in "team."

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