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The People You Should NOT Take Dating Advice From

Since we’ve started this blog, I’ve been reading a lot of other blogs to see what our competition is up to. This has inevitably resulted in me coming a across of TON of posts about dating and relationship advice. Some are good, some are not so good and some are just embarrassingly clueless. So instead of writing another dating tip article, I’ve decided to write an article about the kind of people you should not be taking dating advice from.

People Who Are Angry or Bitter

downloadYou don’t have to look hard to find dating advice being offered by people who have either not been in a relationship in a very long time (and not by choice) or who just had a bad breakup. Their tips are more like complaints and involve a lot of warnings about the “game” or the “scene” or dating culture as a whole. In the case of men offering this kind of advice, it usually comes off as woman-hating and involves a lot of bitching about how women only go for assholes and douchebags. When it’s women offering the advice, it’s a whole of lot of “how to avoid dating a jerk.” Either way, these people are way too cynical to be advising anyone and should just stick to angrily yelling at couples as they walk by in the park until they’re ready to rejoin the rest of us in the bar without making a scene.

People Who Focus Solely on Picking Up Hot People

The moronic advice related to this is offered almost exclusively by men. However my take on hot woman came to me by way of my old bar tending co-worker who used to say that no matter how hot the girl, somewhere in the world there’s a guy who won’t return her calls (I cleaned this up A LOT). This isn’t a diss on the woman. It’s simply a reminder that no matter how hot a girl is, she’s still just a person. A real connection is about a lot more than looks, and everyone has been rejected and hurt at some point in their life. So any douchebag advice that focuses on trying to level the playing field with a good looking woman by using backhanded compliments to try to hurt a woman’s self-esteem to make her more “approachable” has already missed the boat. Hot people are just like anyone else and the best way to hit on them is to talk to them like you would anyone else. It honestly works better than you might think because a lot of hot girls complain the only people that talk to them when they’re out are the kind of guys with unjustified levels on self-confidence. They might just find a slightly nervous guy without rehearsed pick-up lines to be a refreshing change of pace.

People Who View the Whole Thing as a Game

pick-up-artistsThis is the kind of advice that is concerned more with hooking-up than with actually meeting the right someone. It’s a lot of tips on how to pick people up at bars and tries to turn meeting someone into a numbers game: if you swing at enough balls, you’re bound to hit something. While most people might think this kind of advice is offered exclusively by men, it most certainly is not. Both men and women are offering advice that tries to turn meeting people into a scripted play. For every man saying “tell her a joke,” there is a woman saying “laugh at his jokes, even if they aren’t funny.”

Look, there’s a difference between advice that can help you feel more confident and that will help you clue in to whether someone is interested, and advice that pushes you so far outside of your comfort zone that there’s no chance it will work for you. If these kinds of tips don’t constantly mention do what’s comfortable for you or acknowledge that it won’t work on everyone, skip it. Picking up is fine, but as cheesy as it sounds, real connections take no calculations, just a bit of confidence to start a conversation and bit more to actually realize it’s going well.

People in Good Relationships a.k.a. Holier than Thou Advice

lrg-2427-happy_coupl1-300x223This advice tends to come from women who are in happy, healthy relationships and think it’s because they know everything. This advice can perhaps be the most damaging for someone who is having a rough go of it on the single scene because the advice is being offered by people who have forgotten what being single is actually like. They make it sound frustratingly easy to get to where they are: Just find a guy (preferably a lawyer or a doctor. If worse comes to worse, an architect will do). Have him ask you out on a perfect first date. Get along with each other fantastically. Give him a blow job twice a week. Let him watch football undisturbed on Sundays, and six months later you’ll be engaged. Actually, as far as snagging a guy goes, this advice might not be that bad. The hard part is finding the right guy though. Am I right, ladies?

People in Bad Relationships

Like I mentioned in my article about marriage, even people in bad relationships seem to be in a hurry for their friends to get married and join them in their living hell. While people in good relationships offer overly simplistic advice about how to make one work with the assumption that you’ve found the right person, people in bad relationships don’t give a crap about who your partner is. They just want you to be there on couples’ night to act as a buffer between them and their significant other. Who you go out with is of no concern to them, so long as you’re playing Pictionary instead of being out at the bar having more fun than they are. So yeah, people in bad relationships encouraging you to get in one are clearly offering suspect advice.

People Who Are Women

slide-423OK, hear me out….I’m not saying woman can’t give relationship advice; I’m just saying they usually do a terrible job of it. Maybe woman can give another woman decent advice on how to attract a guy (but a man can for sure do that better), or what to wear on a first date (again, guys can do this better), or topics to avoid on said date, but most women cannot give advice about what a man is thinking. There is one simple reason for this: women constantly give men too much credit. If you’re receiving advice from a woman explaining what a man is thinking or why he did something and it is more than two sentences long, then it has been put through a woman filter and is useless. For example, if he doesn’t call you to see what you’re doing Friday night until 11pm on Friday, then you’re an afterthought and one step removed from a booty call. If he calls you on Monday to see what you’re doing Friday, he’s into you, and there’s a sliding scale of interest for every day in between. Period. The End. Let’s see a woman explain it that simply. 

Brian M. Williams
Brian is the author of the recently published travel memoir "Stranger in a Stranger Land: My Six Years in Korea." (Click this profile for more information.) He's also a law school grad with Southern charm and Virginia roots. He recently returned to America after nearly seven years traveling and working abroad. He loves dive bars, international travel and foreign accents. He's particularly good at small talk and was the first person to notice there's no "I" in "team."

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