I, like many of my late-twenty-something peers, have experienced a lot in the last 5 years of my life. Being 28, going on 29, is one of those wake up calls. The idea that I will no longer be able to say I’m in my twenties after a year has forced me to put my life into perspective. For the last 3 years, I’ve dedicated my life to my career. Those who know me personally will know that I take pride in what I do and much of my bravado comes from my identity as a young professional.
Now, if you read Brian’s piece on marriage last month, you’ll know what I mean when I say that I’m getting to that age when I do feel a bit of pressure to find that special someone. Like Brian, I don’t lament my lone wolf status, but I do feel that tug that’s telling me that I should be considering my future. To give you a little background, I am a Korean American, only child, and oldest son in my generation. This means that I have to kick ass at everything I do. Easier said than done if my track record proves anything! But yes, part of that “everything” is finding that person I can spend the rest of my life with.
Since I’ve graduated college, I’ve had my fair share of trysts and flings meaning, while I never considered myself to be promiscuous, I’ve jumped around in terms of girls I’ve dated and never really had a long term relationship. Most of my relationships have lasted a few months, let’s say an average of 3, and for the most part I’ve been able to maintain a cordial relationship with girls I’ve dated. Yes, there are outliers, but no one’s perfect.
So why do I bring all this up? Well, after reading Brian’s article, I did a little sleuthing, on my own life, lifestyle, and tastes and realized what I want now and what I wanted even a year ago, are completely different. I’m thoroughly convinced that I have established an archetypal “perfect woman” in my mind and ultimately I think it will either A) help me find the most awesome partner in crime, or B) doom me to a life of solitude, which isn’t all THAT bad. Don’t believe me? Ask Bruce Wayne (Does making comic book references make me immature?). Do I dare reveal the formula for my perfect mate? Of course I do.
Classy is the new sexy for me and many young professionals. More and more, I find myself caring about how well a significant other will do in a formal setting. A woman that really feels as much at home in an evening gown as a pair of sweats so to speak (…is it just me or is a girl that looks good in shorts and a t-shirt just about the hottest thing on this planet or what?). In any case, yes classy. Finesse. An intangible… well je ne sais quoi, I guess? A consummate host with a smile that lights up the room and moves with the grace of a cat. I never knew describing class would be so hard and yet, we can all recognize it when we see it, right?
A conversationalist, meaning she would be able to have substantive conversations that don’t involve her immediate friends and/or shows on prime time. A person with the ability to discuss abstract concepts, offer new insight, and open my eyes up to new perspectives. A person that doesn’t get flustered in an intellectual discussion and is ready and willing to defend her position and speak her mind.
A career woman that is as motivated as I am to better herself. As a rule of thumb, I can’t be close to people I don’t respect. To follow that up, I can’t respect anyone that is happy with, well, mediocrity. Not that everyone starts on a peak, but the effort needs to be there. Trust me, I know a bit about working my way up from the gutter and I would like someone that is equally driven. Really, someone to inspire me to advance myself!
Food is one of the few not-so-odd passions I’ve cultivated over my twenty sum odd years on planet Earth. As a side note, one of my biggest pet peeves is taking a nice lady out to eat, only to find out she consumes as much as a crack-addicted hamster. Oh. Hell. No. I appreciate a woman that knows that a good steak doesn’t need sauce. I appreciate a woman that knows that salad can never be an entree; and I appreciate a woman that knows that good food becomes great food with the synthesis of flavor, texture, presentation, and ambiance. No, that doesn’t always mean expensive, sometimes that hole-in-the-wall is exactly what you’re looking for.
Music is another passion of mine. Those who know me well and have known me for years saw the effect that music had on my life. Sadly, not all the various forays were successful, and yet, the time that I shared with the people I met, simply awesome. Now, I’m not saying that this lady-of-my-dreams should love the music I do. I would actually prefer someone that will expand my horizons as opposed to swimming with me in the same pond, so to speak. What I am saying is that I would like to meet someone with the same passion and love for music that I have. I’m one of those guys that sings while walking, hums while working, and plays air guitar / air drums to de-stress. Sorry for party rockin’ but shit, the world without music is akin to a man with no soul.
Intellect is one of those things that has recently made it onto the list. To be honest, aside from aesthetics I wasn’t really looking too hard at anything else when I was younger. Really, who cared what the hell a girl talked about right? Then one day, I put away my childish things and realized, well hell, why wouldn’t I care? At this point in my life, when I think about the reality of a long term relationship, I find that I think of someone that will keep me excited. Not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.
Fun. Such a simple word and yet, probably one of the most difficult qualities to fulfill on this list. I’ve been accused many a time for being what people would refer to as a cradle robber. In my defense, I’ve stated many-a-time it isn’t because I like ’em “young and dumb” as my friends so eloquently state, but because I care enough to know that a pretty face and education isn’t enough. I want to go out and have an awesome time when the occasion calls. I like meeting new people and partying until the wee hours of the morning. I love going to awesome concerts and events. I guess that makes me the lover of early-twenty-somethings. In my defense, I’ve dated younger and older, but that’s a story for another post.
Beauty is one of those funny categories that can easily make me seem shallow and yet, to dismiss it would be a lie of omission. To circumvent this, notice I didn’t put it up at the top of the list HAH! In any case, I do believe that there needs to be a minimum level of physical attraction. Not that I’m sayin’ I’m “hot” by any means, but hell, why would I want to spend the rest of my life with someone that I can’t stand looking at? Ok, I think I just came off as the shallowest guy in the proverbial room and yet, honesty IS the best policy. Heh.
I think that about wraps me up. So what do you think? Realistic expectations? Regardless. We didn’t get to where we are today by settling did we? Inevitably, as we all get older (yes, you’re getting older too), I think the amount of settling we do decreases and that my friends, is probably why you’re sitting at home at night reading blogs when all your less-than-picky peers are partying ’till the wee hours of the morning. In any case, it is what it is. If this dooms me to a life of solitude well shit, I’ll gladly live it. But if that day should ever come and I do find that someone I want to walk the rest of this road with, I hope that it’s someone I can’t help looking up to while standing next to… That is all.