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Courtship: Chess not Checkers

You’ve probably seen the articles on your newsfeed talking about how to be a man or how to get a girl or how to be successful. Sure they might make you feel good after reading them, but let’s be real… life isn’t usually as idyllic. Neither is courtship, which, in the day and age of Tinder, online dating and social media, is just a smorgasboard of clown shoes and attention whores.

That got me thinking, though. If I were single, how would I go about meeting a great girl, not just to hook up with, but to possibly be my girlfriend? I came up with a few bullet points that I think every man should be aware of.

First, let’s get something out of the way: you meet the most quality women through mutual friends. There is no way around that and if I have to explain why that is… well, let’s not get into that. Let’s also acknowledge for the sake of conversation that any woman you meet, you won’t be able to know if she’s truly girlfriend material after the first interaction. Sure there might be a spark or instant chemistry or whatever you might want to call it.

1. Sell Yourself. You see her across the bar looking great. Hair done. Nails done. Everything did. She doesn’t look like that all the time. You know it and she knows it. She’s presenting what she thinks is the best version of herself. Now, if I see this girl, I’m going to do the same. The regular me likes video games, junk food, sports and professional wrestling. I also enjoy a nice glass of whiskey, have an extensive vocabulary and like to dance. “But I don’t want to be fake,” you might say. It’s not about being fake… it’s about selling yourself. If she’s worth it and willing to stick around, she can get to know the real me later. If you don’t have anything worth selling, that’s on you to fix it.

2. Have something interesting to talk about. If you’re out and about and end up meeting women, chances are that conversation will play a role in any kind of interaction. If that happens, you want to have something more to talk about than #basic stuff or rehearsed pickup lines. Read the news. Pay attention to the headlines. Realize that you live in a world where things happen. Have an opinion on those things, but stay tactful. You don’t want to go insulting a woman without even knowing it. But since we’re on the topic of conversation…

3. Show interest in her. Make her interested in you. There’s no set rule on how to do this. Some people use humor. Some people use money. Some people have great dance moves. Some are just genetically fucking gifted. And a few have it all. That’s just how it is. Building Mutual Interest, though is more important than showing interest. Besides, you typically show interest by asking a lot of questions. Women don’t want to be interviewed when they’re out in a social setting…. Like Alonso from Training Day says, “This shit is chess, not checkers.” Make her interested in you. How? Figure that out on your own.

4. Step out of your comfort zone. This is the hardest thing to do. Not just in the world of dating, but in just about every facet of life. By approaching that pretty lady by the bar you are doing just that. Take a gamble and own it. It might just pay off. More than likely, it won’t… but that’s okay because at some point you will need to…

5. Learn to deal with rejection. Unless you are really good looking or have a lot of money, you’ll probably be rejected more times than not. “Okay, “ you might say, “if looks or money are that important to her, then she’s not girlfriend material.” Don’t be naïve. Everybody… EVERYBODY… values superficial things in some capacity. See points #1, #2 and #3… It’s your responsibility to attract her. It’s sad, but those are the rules of the game. Courtship is like economics. There is a supply and demand. There is scarcity. Some things are inelastic. And yes, these things all change as we get older. This is the perfect explanation for the microcosm that is courtship.

If you’re aiming high, and you should be, chances are that you aren’t the only one vying for her attention. She is in high demand. There is a high supply of potential suitors. This means there will be competition. That’s just something we have to deal with as men — that there is always a winner and a loser. In this instance, you have to be okay with losing, take what positives you can from the experience and step out of your comfort zone even further to approach the next girl.

Rinse, wash and repeat until you have sifted through all of the bad matches to find the woman that feels the same way you do.

What are we really talking about here though? Are we really trying to say that there is some formula to get a girlfriend? That’s a big fat negative. At least I hope that’s not what you’re taking from this. At the end of the day, there is no formula. You can do all of the things I recommend, you can follow all of the generic ass advice you see in the other articles on your newsfeed and still not get a girlfriend. BUT this will at least get you in the door to find out if she’s even worth your time.

Or just do the smart thing and meet a quality woman through mutual friends.

Anthony Pinkett
Anthony is a Los Angeles native, born and raised in the Land of Milk and Honey. He is an entrepreneur by day with expertise in Social Media and Digital Marketing who also happens to be a writer by night. He likens himself to be a young Renaissance Man -- with a taste for the finer things in life. Anthony is currently working on his third feature length script and has lofty aspirations of winning a Razzy. Follow him on Twitter @sonotthatdude.

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