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Best Will Ferrell Lines

As some of you may know, I’m a HUGE Will Ferrell fan. And, quite frankly, the only reason I even agreed to do this blog was to try to get more people to become Ferrell fans. To that end, and in honor of the funniest man on Earth, I’ve put together a list of some of his best lines from his movies and his days on SNL. This is by no means meant to be a complete list, just a few of my many, many favorites.


“I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!” – Anchorman


“We elves try to stick to the four food groups: candy, candy cane, candy corn and syrup…” – Elf


“Are you an official here? Cause you have officially given me a boner.” – Blades of Glory


“…they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.” – Anchorman


Bruce (Christopher Walken): Guess what? I have a fever, and the only prescription, is more cow bell …

Gene (Will Ferrell ): “Thank you Bruce.” – SNL



“This makes me so mad, I wanna find that baby and punch him again!” – The Campaign


“You’re My Boy, Blue!” – Old School


Nancy Huff: “You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.”

Brennan Huff (Will): “Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, ‘Lets get it on.’”

Dale Doback (John C. Reilly): “That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper.” – Step Brothers



“Let me just quote the late great Colonel Sanders who said, ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’” – Talladega Nights


“Gator’s bitches better be using jimmies!” – The Other Guys


“Everybody panic! Oh my God, there’s a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!” – Simi-Pro


“Funerals are insane. The chicks are so horny; it’s not even fair. It’s like fishing with dynamite” – Wedding Crashers


“I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.” – Anchorman


“At age 11, I audited my parents. Believe me, there were some discrepancies, and I was grounded.” – The Other Guys


Phil Weston (Ferrell while coaching a soccer game): “…you’re my assistant, OK! You’re supposed to back me up and get me juice boxes when I tell you. NOW GO GET ME A JUICE BOX!”

Mike Ditka (as himself): “DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO?”

Phil Weston: “Yeah, I’m talking to the juice box guy!” – Kicking and Screaming


“They laughed at Louie Armstrong when he said he was going to the moon, and now he’s laughing at them from up there.” – Blades of Glory


“Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” – Zoolander


“HEY Ma! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF? What is she doing back there? I never know what she’s doing.” — Wedding Crashers


“I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.” – The Other Guys


(Frank ‘the Tank’ explaining why he can’t drink): “Well, um, we actually have a pretty nice little Saturday planned. We’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.” — Old School





“You know the difference between your mom and a washing machine? When I dump a load in the washin’ machine it doesn’t follow me around for three weeks.” – The Campaign


(Will Ferrell as George W. Bush) “I’ve chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night, because quite frankly, every time I speak during the day the stock market goes in the crapper … so sorry Asian markets, you take the hit on this one.” – SNL


Dale Doback: “Why are you so sweaty?”

Brennan Huff (Will): “I was watching Cops.” – Step Brothers


(Ferrell as Alex Trebek): “Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy!. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I’d like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs.” – SNL


Terry Holtz (Mark Wahlberg): “I don’t like you… If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I’d swim out into the ocean and EAT YOU! And then bang your tuna wife.”

Allen Gamble (Ferrell): “OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don’t like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that’d make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot waves, I’m assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. Did that go the way up thought it would? ……Nope!” –  The Other Guys



“You gotta win to get love. I mean, that’s just life. Look at…look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record for eatin’ all those hot dogs in a row. Look at Rue McClanahan from The Golden Girls. Three people,  all great champions,  all loved.” – Talladega Nights


Harry Caray (Ferrell): “You know if you stare at an eclipse head on it’ll burn your eyes out.”
Ken Waller (Jeff Goldblum): “Well it’s not best to stare at the sun during an eclipse.”
Harry Caray: “But it’s hard not to. I once took a pair of binoculars and stared at the sun for over an hour.”
Ken Waller: “Why would you do that?”
Harry Caray: “Curiosity I guess. Heck! I’m curious like a cat. I have a couple of friends that call me whiskers.”
Ken Waller: “Because you’re curious like a cat?”
Harry Caray: “Yes”


Nancy Huff: “Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend she’s your therapist.”

Brennan Huff: “Is that what she said? She’s a rascal.” – Step Brothers


Sidebar: As an extra bonus and because, hell, even I find Ryan Goslin attractive, here’s a funny skit they did on Jimmy Kimmel’s show a while back.




Brian M. Williams
Brian is the author of the recently published travel memoir "Stranger in a Stranger Land: My Six Years in Korea." (Click this profile for more information.) He's also a law school grad with Southern charm and Virginia roots. He recently returned to America after nearly seven years traveling and working abroad. He loves dive bars, international travel and foreign accents. He's particularly good at small talk and was the first person to notice there's no "I" in "team."

2 thoughts on “Best Will Ferrell Lines

  1. Thanks Brian! you even put my favorite Harry Carey with Jeff Goldblum. I remember watching that when it first broadcast – I laughed so hard I thought I was going to have a stroke!

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